Vicevi

Pitanje

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 15:55

Mogu li starijim ženama da stoje grudi
kao kada su bile mlade?
-Mogu! Dovoljno je da idu četvoronoške!


Deda Mraz u Etiopiji!

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 15:52
Dosao deda mraz u Etiopiju da podeli poklone poslusnoj deci.Prilazi prvo dete i kaze deda mraze ja sam bio dobar cele godine hocu li dobiti poklon.Naravno drugo isto kaze da je bio dobar deda mraz ce odusevljeno bravo i ti ces dobiti lep poklon.Prilazi treci deda mraze ja danima nista nisam jeo.Deda mraz ce E moras da jedes da porastes za tebe nema poklona.

TOP 10 FAMOUS LAST WORDS:

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 14:04
- I think I turned it off.
- What does this button do?
- It's perfectly safe.
- Where's my pet tarantula?
- Where's my parachute?
- We'll be fine.
- "I know Bob said it looks like real dynamite."
- "What truck?"
- What are you going to do, kill me?
- Oh sh**...!

You know you're a SERB when...

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 14:00
-When on your birthday everyone pulls your ears
-You are freaked out by 'Babaroga'
-When your baba chases you around the house with a varjaca
-You don't actually attend University, just hang out there and play "tablic".
-There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar.
-You have the biggest sandwiches at school, always consisting of "prsut Or salami".
-When you are reading this list and you're cracking up
-You are high maintenance
-You can dance a kolo to anything, including Serbian rock
-The main menu for lunch is cabbage and beans.
-Your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you
-You have a Kosovka Devojka goblen hanging on your wall
-There's a slab of fat in your fridge called "slanina"
-As a kid you are paid to steal the bride's shoe at a wedding
-You have a vegetable garden in your backyard consisting of a variety of peppers, onions and tomatoes.
-You have a cold cellar that includes a variety of meat/deli products,pickled goods, and wine.
-Whenever you went by Baba's house, she offered you supa, sarma, pecenje or kolace and got mad if you didn't eat EVERYTHING.
-You are at a party and guy's try to pick you up with "Hey baby, what's your slava??"
-You live for the annual Folkfest and/or Soccer Tournament
-You can`t imagine hearing a song without the obligatory "harmonikas solo"
-You always have the latest mobile phone on the market
-As soon as you tell a neighbour you're Serb they ask you for some rakija

Senior’s Sex Guide

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 13:56
-Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
-Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
-Set the mood with lighting (turn them ALL OFF!)
-Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
-Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.
-Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.
-Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
-Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
-If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Don’t even think about trying it twice.

:)

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 13:54
Devojčica u Černobilu kaže mami:
-"Mama, mama, raste mi i treća dojka!"
A mama će:
-"Ma boli me ku*ac!"

Bosanski oral!

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 13:53
Došao Mujo kod Fate i kaže joj:
- "Fato, ajmo ja i ti malo oralnog seksa."
Pita Fata:
-"A što ti je to?"
Mujo:
-"Ti ljubiš tamo gdje ja vrsim malu nuždu..."
Fata:
"Ma što bolan, zar po pločicama na terasi?"

Plavusha i IQ!

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 13:50
Pita plavuša drugu plavušu:
- Jesi li bila na IQ testu?
A druga joj odgovara:
- Jesam, i hvala Bogu - negativan je!

Lala i loto!

Generalna — Autor krle86 @ 13:37
Ulazi Lala u kucu i viče sa 'avlinski' vrata:
-"Soso, dobio sam na lotou - pakuj kofere!"
Na to ce Sosa:
-"Super! Da li da se pakujem za more ili za planine?"
A Lala će:
-"Ta di gođ 'oćeš - samo se gubi odavde!"

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